Food or companionship?
“Women are capable of levels of emotional intensity that no other creature can attain, real destructive anger and real life giving love come from the same place in us. So if you’re easily frightened, stay home.”
This is how Mike (my husband) might describe me when men are creepily scaring at me, following me around, or being socially awkward animals gouging me with unnecessary hunting energy. He says I’ve probably scared some guys into never being creeps again or even never hitting on a girl again. I both laugh at that statement and cringe at it.
It’s funny because I get to see an almost equal and opposite reaction to how they made me feel. While they lurk over my shoulders waiting for the next moment my husband leaves to get drinks so they can swoop in and sexily grind on me (something every woman dreams of), I feel the degrading energy of the men that view me solely as a piece of meat.
When that creep follows me to the bathroom in hopes of talking to me when I reappear covered in airborne shit-stained bacteria or slides his hands over my waist and hips without permission because “we’re in a crowded club, and [I] should expect it” (Creep #204, Cielo, 2012), I respond with a similar or larger level of energy that these men gave me, and although it’s funny to see them shocked at the fact I rained on their stalking parade, this is the part I cringe at.
I hate fighting fire with fire. I hate having to be aggressive and fend for myself so I can go out and have fun. I hate having to have my husband or guy friends with me so I can dance freely and act like a goofball.
Yes, this is definitely a personal matter I can work on. I can learn to ignore other peoples’ energy around me better and focus more on myself and the moment. But this isn’t always easy when after 5 minutes of dancing by myself, I am getting circled by a bunch of people who confuse themselves with animals. (That being said, nothing against animals. They’re really cool.)
“Men”, when did you start losing respect for yourself or did you ever have any at all? Do you really see yourself as this caveman going out for a hunt for the possibility of starving? Or do you see yourself as a equatable human being in a modern world in hopes of finding a stimulating connection for years, days, or even just a night?
What are you really looking for — food or companionship?
If you’re looking for food and want to feel that primitive instinct of yours hidden deep within your subconscious mind, try going to the grocery store with the friends you usually go clubbing with, close in on the best looking whole chicken with your usual Friday night wolf pack formation, and pounce on that meat. Fight over who gets to bring the prey home, get a cab for your lucky date and you, slap some juicy marinade on her, sweet talk her as she cooks, and dig in ‘till you fall into a contented snooze.
If you’re looking for companionship, even for the night, try viewing yourself with some respect like you’re a complex human being capable of carrying out a genuine, intelligent conversation, or at the very least, able to convey a truth you shouldn’t be embarrassed to hide with menial tactics such as stalking, staring, and catcalling. It’s as simple as trying,“Hello. My name is so-and-so. Would you like to dance?” If she says no because of unknown reasons that could be in no way related to you and shouldn’t be taken personally, then at least you didn’t lose any of your dignity by acting like an animal. (Again, I love animals — just not men who act like animals).
But if you’re still reading this and think that the introduction+question method isn’t as easy as the stalking+catcalling method, then enjoy viewing your food and women in the same light. Personally, I’d rather have a plate of dumplings over a woman’s leg any day, but in the end, we’re all entitled to our own opinions and tastes.
— originally posted on Medium —