Grandma’s Guide to Techno Parties
I absolutely love to dance, staying out ’till the sun comes up (my favorite time of day), and going to music festivals and techno parties.
Since 2007, I’ve been to at least 23 different kinds of music festivals ranging in size from 500 to 100,000 people in all genres of music. In those 23 festivals, I’ve gone to some up to seven times meaning with some simple math, I’ve probably been to over 100 festivals! #nohumblebrag
As for techno parties, I may have been to a few. They’re pretty fun.
So to adapt to my 80 year old self, I’ve become the ultimate grandma keeping note of everything for a guide to techno parties. If you see me out, you’ll know exactly who I am–
I’m the only sober person in the whole place
sitting down a majority of the time
while ever so gently tapping the floors below me
to the beat of the music and watching
everyone as they stumble around & “dance”
— PARTY ON!
However, you don’t need to be an unhealthy person to be a grandma. You can actually be the healthiest person in the world and still channel your inner grandma (no offense to grandmas– you’re pretty cool with all your wisdom about techno parties; hence, this post).
Healthy or not, dancing 4-8+ hours straight can put A LOT of physical stress on your body so it’s always good to grandma it up a little bit. Hence…
the Grandma’s Guide to Techno Parties
Grandma’s Guide to Techno Parties // Before You Go
You’re going to be dancing until the sun comes up, or at least I hope you will. Be smart, treat your feet nice, and wear sneakers!
No one will care if you’re wearing your hot designer heels or whatever they’re called ’cause everyone at these types of parties are usually too busy caring about the music like they should be.
Dress in Black
Just in case you didn’t get the memo, black is the new black.
The ultimate way to fit in is to wear sneakers & get your blackest blacks out.
You’re basically bringing marathon dancing to a new level and probably are drinking a ton. Make sure to eat a well-balanced meal with lots of protein to keep you fueled for the next few hours.
Try to avoid greasy, processed foods because it could make you feel a bit sluggish, and you want to be your best energetic self as long as possible!
Here’s the real grandma tips. In my small 5×8 inch leather wristlet, I pack:
These earplugs are only $13 and will keep your ears in tip top shape a little bit longer before you actually get old and can’t hear.
It reduces the sound about 20 dB but preserves the sound quite clearly, and with all that bass bumping, you’ll hardly notice a difference until after the show when your ears are pleasantly NOT ringing from the loud music.
Non-stop dancing dehydrates you and your lips so chapstick is clutch to keep your lips moisturized.
Techno parties have a tendency to run out of toilet paper in the port-a-potties (everyone’s favorite subject) so ladies, it’s always nice to have these tissue packs on hand.
Again with everyone’s favorite subject, port-a-potties or bathrooms at techno parties are a little iffy and tend to run out of soap, and sometimes, water. Be a good germaphobe equipped with hand sanitizer.
Grab your favorite pair of sunnies, preferably heart shaped and gold rimmed (aka Robot Heart glasses -not pictured-), because at a certain time of the night with all the lasers shining and light shining bright, these babies will come in handy.
Take a Nap
I added this one after a reader commented about trying to stay out ’till 2AM.
The key is to take a nap from like 10:30-11:30PM or so, then get to the party at midnight, but don’t worry!
It’ll go on ’till 5am and maybe 10am+ if you’re lucky so you won’t miss a thing. The best DJs come on later anyways.
Grandma’s Guide to Techno Parties // When You’re There
Drink a cup of water every hour so you don’t get dehydrated. Both dancing and drinking alcohol excessively tends to dehydrate you fast.
However, in the wise words of the Amsterdam government who posted very helpful signs at ADE (Amsterdam Dance Event), don’t drink more than two cups of water per hour because you can get water poisoning.
Sit Down & Relax
So everyone’s dancing, standing around, and having the time of your life, but if you can’t physically handle it, stop caring what other people think, and find a nice seat in the back.
Make sure wherever your seat is though, you don’t compromise the quality of the sounds from the speaker too much. This is generally center behind the sound board.
You probably haven’t noticed the time, but you’ve been dancing for six hours straight meaning you haven’t eaten in at least seven ’cause it took so damn long to get all your friends out the door.
If the venue has some snacks to buy (like in Amsterdam, you can buy a wedge of watermelon or popsicles– amazing), then nosh on something to keep going ’till the sun comes up.
Honor the Buddy System
Stick with a friend or two because it’s both safe and fun!
Grandma’s Guide to Techno Parties // After You Get Home
Get As Much Rest As Possible
Sleep, sleep, and sleep until your heart’s desire even if you think it’ll mess up your sleep the next night. Your body needs to rest in order to get back into the normal cycle of life, which of course when you first go home seems like NEVERRR.
If you’re hungover and need to jump back on your feet quickly for work the following Monday, then eat healthy foods with lots of Omega-3 and vitamins such as salmon and greens.
Of course, this doesn’t sound quite appetizing on a hangover so opting for a burger isn’t too bad if you can skip the cheese and fries.
Alright, never mind, there’s no arguing with you in your hungover state. Eat what you want (but in moderation)!
Take a Probiotic or Eat Kimchi
I’m being for real. 80% of your serotonin comes from your gut!
Stress, excessive drinking, and other vices can quickly wear down your gut bacteria so give yourself a little boost by taking a probiotic or eating probiotic rich foods like kimchi or yogurt.
Well, that’s all! Thanks for checking out my grandma’s guide to techno parties.
Do you have any tips to add to this guide for techno parties, or in general, dancing away ’till the sun comes up? Comment below & share this post if you liked it!